A hundred years ago when we raised two babies we used glass baby bottles, a dozen pacifiers, a car seat and a wind up swing.

But man oh man I can’t believe how the gear and gadgets have changed for babies these days!

You can buy a Babocush newborn comfort cushion, which is “the next best thing to the loving arms of a parent. It gives the baby the feeling of being back in the womb, while it gently but effectively relieves gas, colic and reflux discomfort.”

I’m getting me one for Christmas.

You can buy a Miku Smart Baby Monitor with breathing and movement capabilities. I wonder if they have a “slow adult with gasping and little movement capability” model?

When it’s time to feed the baby you can use a Boon Squirt Silicone baby food dispensing spoon. Or you can stick a clean spoon down in a jar of baby food. But I love my silicone Mini Milky Way dispensing spoon.

You can get a cute battery-operated whale that digitally displays the water temperature before you lower the baby in. That was never a problem for us because we never had any hot water.

The ad pitch for a Baby Dream Machine says “From the melatonin-promoting red-light therapy, to the snooze-inducing scents from the essential oil diffuser, your little one might actually start to look forward to bedtime. With the cool-mist humidifier and a pink-noise sound machine feature, this parenting product helps your tot become a snoozing pro.”

My wife’s a snoozing pro and all she needs is a bacon burger and brownie topped with vanilla ice cream. She sleeps like a baby.

There’s all kinds of books to help your baby fall asleep. I wrote one called “Take a kidney or any two fingers, just please, please, please go to sleep.”

You can buy a RaZbaby silicone teether which gives the little one a soft, textured surface to chew on.

We let our two kids chew on some buffalo hide we got over at the buffalo park. Collin’s first word was Ta-ton-ka.

The Playtex Potty Genie 3-in1-Potty Trainer looks great. Lots and lots of times when we were potty training I wished we had a genie and three wishes.

I was intrigued by the Baby Shusher Sleep Miracle Soother, which provides 15 to 30 minutes of continuous shushing sounds. My wife’s been a “shushing machine” for 39 years.

You can buy your wife a New Mommie Teething necklace. This way Mommie won’t gnaw the end of her fingers off while baby cuts his/her first 10 teeth.

A must have for every new parent is a reliable snotsucker. The only people laughing are the ones who don’t have kids. We kept both our snotsuckers and are passing them down to the kids.

No new parent should be without a Oogiebear Baby Ear and Nose Cleaner. According to the ad, “babies have the tiniest nostrils, but somehow are able to create the biggest boogers. This handy parenting product mines through their nostrils safely.” The miner’s hat is extra.

All kidding aside I found a baby product I’m buying.

It’s a Corner Protector available on Amazon. “Keep your baby’s swaying noggin safe from accidents without totally sacrificing your home’s decor with these low-key corner protectors. These clear bulbs have a super effective adhesive interior that keeps them in place without ruining your furniture.”

Looks like a great product. If momma and daddy had had these on their coffee table when I was growing up I could have named all 50 states in the fourth grade, but those three concussions as a toddler always held me back.

Gotta go, Janet’s making a shushing sound.